Vanbrows

And then you remember you love it. You loveitloveitloveit. But one night everything comes back to you and the fingers are restless again. The eyes sting because you move them too fast and too slow all at once. And you hate it. Everything collects at the bottom of your stomach to remind you how much you hateithateithateit because you forgot what it felt like in its absence. Now you can only hopehopehope that it can go away just to be back when you have vaguely forgotten its texture. Everything is leaving you and smothering you all at once and you're Alice - smaller and smaller and bigger and bigger. Nothing fits in, so you wait it out until you drift between consciousness and something painless and remote. You've done nothing and everything waits on you and you want to finish it all at once - but you don't want to even touch it. So you swing back and forth where it's most precarious and tense and stressing. Where are those notes that you left yourself from the last time it was like this? What's the point in writing those down when you forget about where you shucked them? What did we do last time to stop this? You cannot rid yourself of something that is so back-and-forth and quiet. Just wait. 

*On a totally unrelated, healthy, and normal note: sorry Coach for the drive-by-waving that my teen bro and I committed. I just wanted to wave - Hi!

*On an equally normal note: I had a dream where I was a teen sleuth solving the murder of an old, rich baron with my gang o' young sleuth friends. We found a clue that was a balloon caught high up in the trees. pulled it down to find that it was tied to The Whine. Except, instead of a young human fellow, he was a tiny talking dinosaur (of some vegetarian variety). He was so malicious and unhelpful, I hammered a nail through him to attach him to the balloon (In sleuthing!dreamworld, balloons don't pop). I found out much later, through my sleuth friends, that this nailing had eventually killed him. And I mourned the loss of The Whine through many alligator, crocodile, amphibious tears. The sobbing continued on for a great part of this dream. It made my own heart wrench at the sight... of myself... crying. So, I'd like to apologize to The Whine, for killing you in my dream. I didn't mean it - I thought that this way, I could keep all of my clues together. Again, I'm so sorry - and don't ever die on me again.

So long and thanks for all the fish!** Points to anyone who can come up to me and make another allusion from what I am currently making an allusion to. Even though that would require you to read this in the first place