Skip to main content

Chicken or Egg

Had a fairly exhausting day, that should have ended on a very good note (brainstorming on group cosplays is really dorky, but mostly funtastic). 

Then I let feelings of jealousy, fear, uncertainty, inferiority, l'esprit d'escalier consume me. 

(So I didn't learn about l'esprit d'escalier in French class or off the Interwebz - I read it in a book that Teen Bro had bought back in middle school about this teenager who lives through some sort of a government coup and bones some girl who likes spicy food so much that she sprays her food with mace. What the hell did we let him read?)

Why can I never let things go? I would say that it's a character flaw, but I am currently of a weird mindset of where everything is meant to be a certain way (so there is really no such thing as flaws). I have trouble dealing with my personality these days. But if you ask me about my body, (depending on how comfortable I am with you) I would tell you how deeply in love with my body I am. Not because I am of a certain shape or weight right now (far from fit, in fact). I am not in love with my body because it is perfect. My body is perfect because I am in love with it. Does that make sense? Things that I use to worry about, seem so minute and far away. I am in love with all of it - good and bad (ALL THE CHEESE. I NO SORRY). Soft, pale, cushy or dry, tanned, weathered. Stretch marks or cellulite. Hairy or smooth. Freckles and moles. Scars and bumps. All of it. I am utterly infatuated. I don't think anyone else shares this view, so I don't make a show of my body. Self-esteem and love, I find to be two separate (but are capable of being linked) animals. 

More to come on this, when I am more coherent and less bleh.

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Hammurabi's Code

And other things. Hammurabi's for my etymology paper. The other things are for my friends. It's my genius  fault, really. I REALLY want to make a parallel between the hit show Friends  and my, well, friends. But we soon realized that the pool of characters wasn't enough to cover all of our friends. So, we started collecting more characters from TV show, cartoons, movies, books. Maybe what we need is our own original series. Too bad we don't have an objective third person to use as a narration device. I, as challenged by one of the said friends, will simply serve as the writer for now (let's ignore all of my emotional, delusional. and hormonal baggage that all of my imaginary audience is familiar with from previous posts). Let's start off with the easy ones... _____________________________________________________________________________ Coach Coach - Nick Kent if you're well-versed in the world of sports blogs - as I like to call him, has been a class...
Post a Comment
Read more

tokio

So the conversation with my middle-aged, Chinese father went like so: "I remember the movies that impacted me the most when I first came to America" "Titanic" "No, Charlie " "Dad, what the hell is Charlie? I've never heard of it before?" a low-budget, 90s film perhaps? "nononono...You know the one with the 娃娃(doll) with the scar. Scary" "A doll? You mean Chuckie?" "Yeah. That's what I said. Scary doll, scared the shit out of me" "Really? Did you understand english then?" "哎呀(onomatopoeia of exasperation- aiyah! ) I didn't need to. So. Scary. At first, I watched by myself, but then I was too scared so I convinced your mother to watch it with me. She was pregnant with you at the time, I think. She thought the movie would influence your birth, but I was scared so there were no other options" "...So you risked your firstborn's birth to watch Chuckie?" "...Yes" ...
Post a Comment
Read more

30 Day Drawing Challenge - Day 2: Favorite Animal

My darling Bonbon the Chihuahua. Who is more bark than bite. Who hates small children. Who is my favorite 跟屁虫. Who is a small dog in the land of giants. Who does not  shiver or have weird body proportions because she has more dignity than your average Chihuahua. Love of my life.
Post a Comment
Read more