A little hesitant to go to sleep tonight, so I'm just biding my time.
For the first time that I can remember, I woke up crying from a nightmare this Saturday morning. I dreamt that two of my "close friends" and someone they hired were locked inside of a house with me. For whatever reason, the two friends and I were representing different factions in a no holds barred, Battle Royale-type game. But those two both decided to kill me; in essence, I was just trying to hide from and defend against three people (the person they hired was a young Jackie Chan - it's ok to laugh. This is probably because someone I live with showed me an episode of Jackie Chan Adventures) the entire time. I remember being stabbed through both of my palms. The instant I saw the X-acto knife run through my hand, I felt an ungodly pain as well as a terror that my attacker would pull the blade back out. Of course, on both occasions, they had shown no remorse and pulled the knife back through with as much vigor as they had when stabbing me. Looking into their eyes, I somehow could recognize that there was no mercy there for me (without ever having been in this situation before), and I became an animal, desperate in my attempts at survival. Finally, someone from the outside world let us back out because of the lack of actual deaths or anything really worth watching. However, I was too far-gone to believe what they were telling me, so I desperately grabbed a large pair of scissors to defend myself. I could feel myself breathing shallowly, my chest tightening, and having difficulty respiring through hiccuping gasps. I woke up with identical sensations before the fat beads of tears came rolling through. Then it was all desperate and pathetic sobbing for the betrayal and fear and hopelessness I couldn't understand.
Roomie told me that I probably shouldn't try to recount the entirety of this dream, but I feel that it is too significant to let go (although it has obviously ruined my spirit and temperament for the day. As well as my ability to rest peacefully). She also said that this dream seemed to be parallel to the stress from my relationships with those two people in real life - that the relationships with my two "friends"(?) rarely seemed healthy to her. What she said obviously makes sense, especially from her perspective. I never feel truly at ease or content when I am with them, and even thinking about them unsettles me.
Rock: wanting to understand why I would dream about this in my sleep
Hard Place: being fucking terrified even thinking about this dream
For the first time that I can remember, I woke up crying from a nightmare this Saturday morning. I dreamt that two of my "close friends" and someone they hired were locked inside of a house with me. For whatever reason, the two friends and I were representing different factions in a no holds barred, Battle Royale-type game. But those two both decided to kill me; in essence, I was just trying to hide from and defend against three people (the person they hired was a young Jackie Chan - it's ok to laugh. This is probably because someone I live with showed me an episode of Jackie Chan Adventures) the entire time. I remember being stabbed through both of my palms. The instant I saw the X-acto knife run through my hand, I felt an ungodly pain as well as a terror that my attacker would pull the blade back out. Of course, on both occasions, they had shown no remorse and pulled the knife back through with as much vigor as they had when stabbing me. Looking into their eyes, I somehow could recognize that there was no mercy there for me (without ever having been in this situation before), and I became an animal, desperate in my attempts at survival. Finally, someone from the outside world let us back out because of the lack of actual deaths or anything really worth watching. However, I was too far-gone to believe what they were telling me, so I desperately grabbed a large pair of scissors to defend myself. I could feel myself breathing shallowly, my chest tightening, and having difficulty respiring through hiccuping gasps. I woke up with identical sensations before the fat beads of tears came rolling through. Then it was all desperate and pathetic sobbing for the betrayal and fear and hopelessness I couldn't understand.
Roomie told me that I probably shouldn't try to recount the entirety of this dream, but I feel that it is too significant to let go (although it has obviously ruined my spirit and temperament for the day. As well as my ability to rest peacefully). She also said that this dream seemed to be parallel to the stress from my relationships with those two people in real life - that the relationships with my two "friends"(?) rarely seemed healthy to her. What she said obviously makes sense, especially from her perspective. I never feel truly at ease or content when I am with them, and even thinking about them unsettles me.
Rock: wanting to understand why I would dream about this in my sleep
Hard Place: being fucking terrified even thinking about this dream
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